Ever catch yourself doing something without even realizing it? I do, every day. Like reaching for my phone the moment I leave my computer for a break, when I should be resting my eyes and getting some sun. Or just taking the highway to work on the weekends when I’m supposed to go elsewhere. It’s as if my body is on autopilot while my mind is somewhere else.
Maybe you can relate to these examples, or maybe they can remind you of some autopilot tasks you do. However, we all have a day when we realize we’ve been doing the same things, day after day, even though a part of us really wants to change. We want to feel more present, more aligned with our goals and ourselves. But you keep falling back into old routines.
I want to tell you something I’ve learned — not just from coaching others, but from my own life: It’s our habits that shape us every day, shape who we are, and where our life goes.
The good news is that habits can be changed, so if we can change our habits on purpose, we are in control of our lives. We can change who we are and where our life goes. Ultimately, we can direct our lives towards our dreams and goals.
Habits aren’t just behaviors — they’re patterns your brain creates to make life easier. According to Charles Duhigg, author of The Power of Habit, every habit runs on a simple loop:
1. The Trigger (The Cue)
2. The Action (The Routine)
3. The Payoff (The Reward)
It might look like this: You feel a little bored (cue), so you check your phone (routine), and get a hit of distraction or dopamine (reward). That loop gets reinforced over time — not because it’s good for you, but because your brain loves efficiency. It’s just trying to help.
But here’s where it gets exciting: your brain truly can rewire itself. This process is known as neuroplasticity — the brain’s capacity to change and adapt through experience. When you consistently repeat a new behavior, you’re physically carving a new neural pathway. And the more you walk that path, the stronger it gets.
Supporting this, a landmark study by Phillippa Lally and colleagues at University College London tracked 96 participants over 12 weeks. Participants picked a new habit and recorded daily whether they performed it and how automatic it felt. On average, it took 66 days for the behavior to become automatic (i.e. done without conscious thought), though results ranged from 18 to 254 days, depending on habit complexity and individual differences.
What’s especially reassuring? The researchers found that skipping a day didn’t significantly derail habit formation. In other words, it’s about consistency—not perfection.
When I first started building better habits in my own life, I made the same mistake many people make: I tried to change everything at once. Morning routine, nutrition, productivity hacks… the whole thing. I burned out in two weeks.
So, how do we build good habits and break bad ones without getting overwhelmed? We start small. Ridiculously small.
The biggest mistake we make is trying to do too much, too soon. A brilliant study in the British Journal of Health Psychology showed just how critical a small, specific plan is. Researchers wanted to see what actually gets people to exercise. They split people into groups:
1. One group was just asked to track their exercise.
2. Another got motivational talks.
3. The third one was asked to do one tiny thing: write down the exact time and place they would exercise next week.
The results were night and day. In the motivational groups, only 35-38% of people followed through. But in the group that made a tiny, specific plan? A staggering 91% of them exercised. That’s the power of starting small.
That’s why various authors suggest the Two-Minute Rule, scaling your new habit down to something that takes less than two minutes, or reducing it to a silly action like doing one push-up in the morning or running for 1 minute.
In my case, it started with a glass of water. Just one. Every morning, right after waking up. That small act grounded me. It reminded me, “I’m someone who takes care of myself.” From there, I started stretching. Journaling. Meditating. Not all at once — just one thing at a time, when it felt natural.
The magic wasn’t in the water. It was in showing up for myself every day, even in a small way.
This is a powerful mind-shift. Focusing on who you want to become is more effective than focusing on what you want to achieve. This isn’t just a mind trick; it’s a proven psychological trigger.
In a 2019 study, researchers explored what encourages people to buy eco-friendly products. They prompted one group to think about the action (“buying sustainable items”) and another group to connect with the identity (“being an eco-friendly person”). The result was a clear winner. The people who saw themselves as eco-friendly people were far more likely to make sustainable choices. The pride and personal connection to the identity drove their behavior more than the simple goal itself.
Instead of saying, “I want to get fit,” tell yourself, “I am an active person.”
Instead of, “I need to write a book,” tell yourself, “I am a writer.”
Every time you do your two-minute habit, you’re casting a vote for that new identity. These small votes build up until the identity becomes your new reality.
My case? I always did lots of exercise, but despite that, I always experienced brain fog and low energy. My diet was not really healthy. Hamburgers with fries, sugary desserts after dinner. It was only when I told myself, “I am a healthy person, so I should behave like one”. On dinners, the voice in my head told “I am healthy, I don’t eat sugar every day”, on dinners out, my friends suggested, “Let’s go to McDonald’s” and I answered, “No, I don’t eat garbage, let’s go somewhere else”. Some weeks later, I was the healthy person in the group. Not only were my friends calling me that, but I was making decisions based on my identity. My habits changed.
.
Stop relying on willpower alone—it’s a battery that runs out. The most successful people don’t have more willpower; they just build smarter environments.
A brilliant study at Massachusetts General Hospital’s cafeteria showed this in action. Researchers wanted people to drink more water, so they changed the environment. They didn’t ban soda; they just added water to all the drink fridges and moved the soda to less convenient spots. The results were astounding. With zero lectures or signs, soda sales dropped by 11.4%, and sales of bottled water increased by 25.8%.
Make your good habits the easiest and most obvious option.
Want to drink more water? Put a full water bottle on your desk every morning.
Want to stop eating junk food? Don’t go out for dinner, or don’t populate your house with chips and chocolates.
Want to go to the gym after work? Pack your gym bag the night before and put it by the front door.
Make good choices easy and bad choices hard. It’s not easy at first, but it’s that simple.
Your habits have shaped who you are today, but they don’t have to define who you become tomorrow. The real question is: are they leading you where you want to go?
This isn’t about a painful overhaul. It’s about creating better systems, and systems are built on habits. It’s about making one tiny choice that votes for the future you. You are the architect of your life, and your habits are your favorite tools.
If not, the answer isn’t to push harder. It’s to start smarter. With awareness. With kindness. And with one small step. Let’s get started.
If this resonates with you and you’re ready to take more intentional steps toward a life that reflects who you truly are, I’d love to hear from you. You can visit my page and book a discovery session.
João Corvo
Coach
References
Milne, S., Orbell, S., & Sheeran, P. (2002). Combining motivational and volitional interventions to promote exercise participation: Protection motivation theory and implementation intentions. British Journal of Health Psychology, 7(2), 163–184.
Geng, L., et al. (2019). Can a Pro-Environmental Identity Encourage Pro-Environmental Behavior? The Role of Pro-Environmental Emotion. Frontiers in Psychology, 10, 2332.
Thorndike, A. N., Sonnenberg, L., Riis, J., Barraclough, S., & Levy, D. E. (2012). A 2-phase labeling and choice architecture intervention to improve healthy food and beverage choices. American Journal of Public Health, 102(3), 527–533.
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